Photosynthesis at night

I keep waking up in the middle of the night excited to be alive. Excited to wake up next to my lady. Excited to brush my teeth and wash my face. Excited to hear music. It’s a strange, new feeling. Sorry to sound repetitive, but exciting is really the best adjective I could use to describe it (I believe synonyms are overrated sometimes—take that for what it’s worth).

While it’s a nice feeling to have I wish it would wait a few hours so I could sleep through for a decent period of time. These type of nights make it difficult to get through days and I can’t keep spending money on pickmeups during my breaks at work. I think that the worst part about being irresponsible with finances is when you are actually in the position of needing to save money. I toss around money I don’t have at shit I don’t need and now when I actually need to save a few hundred bucks for something I do need I realize that I don’t have groceries or gas in my car. Shit.

But I’m awake at this hour of the night with very good reason. It’s funny how sometimes the best nights are the ones that you don’t expect to turn out. My lady came home from work and I was watching the end of Eraser, a movie which became the victim of unfortunate timing a few days ago when I had to go to work 15 minutes before it was over. I was so mad. That movie kicks ass, a much underappreciated piece in the Schwarzenegger canon. I’d like to point out very quickly that Schwarzenegger is in spell check.

When she came home I wasn’t in a very good mood and [this is a rare occurrence] with good reason. My guitar got stolen this weekend. I’ve had that guitar since I was 17, I’ve written nearly every song of my life on that guitar. I’ve grown with that guitar and somehow somebody walked out with it during a show I played. I’m really bummed, it feels like I got my heart broken. In fact I wrote a break-up song today [on a shitty old guitar that I have—this guitar is like the girl you knew you could have sex with for years, but were in a relationship with a much hotter, cooler girl and when that relationship ended you went out and had sex with this chick and it didn’t really feel like anything at all but you were glad to find out that you were right about knowing you could’ve had sex with her whenever you wanted]. My conclusion is that I will love again, but my intentions are not to replace that guitar. I have a lot of memories with that guitar and I will have new memories (probably even better ones) with whichever I get next, but I’m still bummed that my guitar is gone. Either way that thing gave me a lot of songs that I will always be proud to have written and proud to sing and I know I’ll write new songs on a new guitar that I will like even better someday soon. That’s just how it goes.

But I was telling a story here…so my lady comes in and I’m moping a little, watching Eraser, and she’s talking about her day and says “Rakisha [a woman she works with] made a pass at me,” and I responded with a very flat “that’s nice.”

I got the blank, “are you seriously gonna shoot this down like that? You and I both know that this is, at the very least, pretty funny” look which is probably the worst look you can get from someone. I don’t care how stuck you are in being pissed off at anything, if you get this look from a person than you’re probably acting like a dick. That’s a look that never gets thrown around without justification.

So I smacked myself out of feeling like a mope and we drove to Meijer and bought bloody mary mix and came back here and had some really really good talking about shit we actually care about. Not school or sandwich delivery or living situations or my broken heart, just straight talk about what we believe in. The type of conversation that feels good from beginning to end.

We fell asleep early and shit it felt good. I woke up not too long ago and I don’t think I’m going back to sleep, but I feel as if I’m up for all the right reasons.

My lady makes this funny little moaning sound in response to everything I do in the middle of the night. I can’t describe it well, thus you will never come close to understanding but it’s one of the most adorable things I’ve heard.

I think Saved By The Bell is on now, I’ma go watch that if my neighbors kept their front door open.