Sunday, April 25, 2010

Waking Up Drunk

I've been campaigning this theory lately to friends and drunkards that I've developed over the past few weeks. Essentially, it goes like this: everything comes down to that feeling you get when you're in on a joke that no one around you gets. That feeling when you're laughing really hard with a couple people about some inside joke. No one around you gets it, they never will and that sucks for them because you know how good this joke is. They will probably never get it and that's half the appeal.

This concept applies to everything that I find important. Relationships. Music. Learning to cope with the emotionless mediocricies of day to day living.

Me and my lady went to this very awkward gathering of older people that we didn't know very well for her job. We were younger than the adults by a good ten years, older than the kids by a good ten years. We coped. Stayed for about an hour and then took off and laughed the whole car ride home at the situation we were in all around. We came the conclusion that we're always gonna be weirdos and we were cool with that ["you will always be a loser and that's okay" - thanks Patrick Stickles]. We're alright.

Me and my friends talk about Dads and buttsacks and we are so out of place in this absurd college town, but shit we have a good time. In our minds we get it and nobody else does. We're also emotional wrecks who drink too much and have way too many feelings. So it goes, I guess. I think that's part of the appeal to...we have a lot of feelings. But we get that and we're happy the way we are, even when we're really pissed about the way we are.

And here's why The Replacements are the best band in the world: they were in on a joke that no one ever got to be in on except them, but it seemed so fucking funny. Getting drunk and making dicks of themselves and writing these phenomenal sloppy songs that were SO good and it didn't even seem like they were trying. They never seemed like they were trying to make anything happen up through Let It Be. It just happened and it was so beautiful and smart and witty and stupid.

[I'm going to stop here, because I have a lot to say about this subject. I'm going to come back to it, but this is going to turn into a lengthy dissertation about The Replacements.]

Like any joke, there is a life and death. Jokes get old and unfunny, sometimes to the point that you get annoyed or even angered. Friendships rust. You get pissed when Against Me! sells out or you just realize that you don't need any more than five Alkaline Trio albums, so everything after Good Mourning is pretty much negligible. You lose sight with a friend and suddenly after seeing everything eye to eye, you're just lost on each other and you're never gonna return to where you were. The joke's run its course, but hopefully you still can listen to Maybe I'll Catch Fire and say "fuck yeah" about it or see an old friend at a party and do nothing but talk to him or her for three hours and not give a shit about what's happening around you.

But there are also the jokes that continue to stay funny or the ones that open up an entire world to you and those are the ones that you hold onto.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Don't worry brother this will blow over

The New York Rangers are like a member of my family. I love them in a way that cannot be compared or explained. It's unconditional. I will love them no matter what happens, which I've only recently realized is something I can't say about many of the people I'm closest to. That's not to say that I don't have friends I wouldn't do anything for, let's just put it this way:
--In 2001 the Rangers acquired Eric Lindros from the Philadelphia Flyers. This mother fucker was one of the most hated people of my youth. The Rangers could not beat the Flyers for a solid 4 years, they had our number and this piece of shit was the face of the organization. In 1997 the Flyers dominated the Rangers in the Conference Finals and that series loss still stands as the most depressing loss I've ever felt from a game I wasn't involved in. And Lindros was at his best in that series. Then, after concussion problems, with everyone under the general agreement that his career was pretty much over, the Rangers traded for him. And they traded three great young guys for him, two of them are still in the NHL I think (Kim Johnsson and Jan Hlavac). It's your girlfriend sleeping with your enemy and then telling you how great it was. And I accepted it. I tried to like Eric Lindros. This shit would not stand if it were anyone else. I will always love this team.

And today I watched a stream of their last regular season game today. They win and they get the eighth spot in the playoffs, they lose and that's it. That big game that only happens in lame sports movies [question: have you ever noticed how in baseball movies the last game is always for the pennant and not the World Series? Check it. Major League, Angels In The Outfield, Rookie of The Year. Why is that?]. Henrik Lunqvist was unbelievable, 46 saves. Jody Shelley stepped up and scored the lone Rangers goal, his second of the season and the Rangers' 4th line was easily the best line on the ice for either team. Chris Drury, Marian Gaborik, Wade Redden, Michael Rosival, Ollie Jokinen--these guys who are making millions of dollars to carry this team--were complete non-factors. A couple had decent games, but not by the standards their contracts should hold them to.

And this game was a personification of every Rangers team since 2000 sans 2007 when they went to the Conference SemiFinals. Great goaltending (which wasn't really consistent til 2006), a couple role guys step up with big goals, and disappointing performances by the big names. This team has been built around big name mother fuckers that they bring in and pay a ridiculous amount of money to and get no results. Theo Fluery, Valerie Kamensky, Lindros, Jaromir Jagr (the one exception), Scott Gomez, Chris Drury, Marian Gaborik (who had a solid year, but was no where to be found today).

The formula doesn't work and I'm sick of all these attempts to try and make it happen. They need to fully rebuild. Their lineup is so top-heavy. All anyone needs to do is shut down the first two lines and they're fine. My favorite players for the past ten years (with the exception of King Henry) have been guys like Jed Ortmeyer, Blair Betts (now a Flyer, haha), Peter Pruca, Ryan Hollweg, Michael Nylander, Ryan Callahan. Guys that are carrying their weight in any way they can and producing while the spotlight is on the guys pissing their pants under the pressure. It's ridiculous and I'm not happy.

A change needs to happen and his name is Glen Sather. I want my team back, I want character. I want Mark Messier and Adam Graves and Pat Verbeek and Darren Langdon and Kim Johnsson.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Donkey Lips

I'm starting to get into panic mode about the very near future. God damn job (or lack thereof). God damn place to live (or lack thereof). God damn future (you get the idea...while were on the subject of No Future, did you hear Malcolom McLaren died today? ).

Why can't someone just pay me to write about the representation of American Government in big budget action movies? I'm really good at pointing that shit out.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Whenever I get bad luck I think about everything I've done leading up to this moment which could've triggered this...

...and vow never to do those things again. So that means I will never shave my head to a triple zero, listen to 1372 Overton Park by Lucero, eat lamb, and not go to church when I feel like I ought to.

Because I got a flat tire in the pouring rain heading home on 55 and after a frustrating half an hour got to drive the last 40 miles of my trip home going about 50 since I was on a donut [or is it doughnut?]. Cool.

But all's well that ends well cause my roommates are watching Street Fighter, so Ima go join em.

Friday, April 2, 2010

I was carried to Ohio in a swarm on bees

I went to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame today and saw pieces of Otis Redding's aeroplane. A little bit much doncha think?

Also, two nights ago was Boiling Over's last show and they played the perfect last set. 8 or so minutes. Sloppy as shit. They didn't finish their last song because Tyler did a dive off his drum set during the breakdown of "American Dream". It made me feel alive.

And it was cool hanging around a bunch of friends who are in their first year out of college. "This shit's weird, isn't it?" "I know, it's really fucking weird."